Surviving the Storms

Do what?

Yep, I completely understand. I don’t have time for ANYTHING anymore either.

One day soon I will post something worth posting. Don’t hold your breath til then.

I am not a fan of change. I like to keep things just as there are in most cases. I like my family gatherings to be at the same place and time as previous years, I like my television shows to stay put – no changing nights, I like seeing my friends online everyday to chat with them, I like to keep things simple…

But every now and then I get a wild thought and decide to do something different. Most of the time it all works out fine. Sometimes I look back and wonder why I didn’t plan better. I am the planner. I might not follow through with all plans, but I am not the person to hop in the car and take off for a weekend getaway without first planning where I am going, mapping out the drive, packing clothes with at least one back up outfit, calling family and friends letting them know I will be gone, packing lunch and drinks for the drive, etc etc etc….it’s pathetic. I am not a spur-by-the-seat-of-my-pants type of person.

There are times I wish I could be more adaptable. When the change does take place, I really don’t have problems adapting, I actually have pre-adapting issues. I think about what will happen, wonder how it will happen, think of all things that can go wrong, worry about them going wrong, think of all things that can go right, try not to get my hopes up too high for fear of being crushed if something doesn’t go right, and then I freak out some more. Am I really that optimistic? Geez, this all sounds so drab and ridiculous.

I found out tonight that starting tomorrow I will have a new supervisor at work. I am very happy and content with where I am currently, and I don’t want to change.

I packed away all of Madd’s diapers last week. They were sitting in a basket for a couple of months completely unused. Why did I just pack them up? Because even though they weren’t being used, they were sitting where they have been for so long, and they belonged there, and I wasn’t quite sure I was ready to move on from that yet.  Madd is my youngest baby. He will forever be my baby. Do I want to lose that last “baby” moment and time? I really had no choice as he grew up on me without first planning that with me.

I don’t freak out really. I just feel the freak out and hold it back. I slowly learn to breathe each change away and allow it to slowly sink in. Just give me a little while longer while I write out the plan for each change in my head and check off the times that have each taken place and passed while I wasn’t looking. In the end, I will be okay.